Here's a Funny List

I got a kick out of this list a cousin posted on our family website.

*** The Redneck "Book of Manners" ***

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days; however, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM ; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records

Big Blue Goes Yellow

The Yellow-Ribbonization has begun. I talked to Sprout last night and the pre-deployment stress is beginning to show. He has so many things on his mind and is trying to take care of every little detail before he leaves. He fears he is driving his pretty wife crazy. I offer words of wisdom and say I understand but I have to correct myself. I don't understand. I have never been burdened with the weight of getting everything ready while preparing myself for war and my family for waiting. He is having detail overload, I think. There seems to be so much to do in so little time. I wish I could make it all go away for him. All I can do is make myself feel better by slapping a yellow magnet to my car.

War is heck.

What to Wear With A Yellow Ribbon

My 1992 Honda Accord is a great little car. She has 165000+ miles and she starts every time I turn the key. We bought her brand new fresh off the showroom floor fifteen years ago.

The years have been hard on her yet she chugs along. She has endured two young boys learning to drive; hours of unbearable summer heat sitting outside my office day after day; suckers, french fries, pizza and cokes plastered under her seats and deep in her carpet; she still runs even though she only has two hubcaps. She lost her antenna in a car-wash three years ago, her air conditioner quit five years ago and the cassette player started eating tapes about four years ago. She really needs a massage.

But more than that, she needs more space on the back to hold the yellow ribbon magnets I plan to plaster all over the car now that Sprout is headed to war. As I said before, I was hesitant about wearing the yellow ribbons on my car but now I am ready. The problem is that the old girl just doesn't have enough room on her rear-end for yellow ribbons. You either have to turn the ribbon magnet on it's side, or put it on the side panel of the car, which just won't do.

S00000000, how do you solve a problem like this? Well, you break down and do what Stoicdad has been begging me to do for years now. You go out and buy a better magnet holder. Meet our newest addition, Big Blue.

I love the old girl, but I gotta admit, I am falling hard for the big guy.

Now won't those yellow ribbons look so much better on the back of this Hunk-A-Hunk-A-Burning-Love? Ladies?

Picture Time

It's been a while since I've posted pictures of Sgt. York and the Little General and they are growing so fast it's scary.

Here they are looking sweet and innocent...photoshop, donchaknow.

Memorial Day - 2007

Mixed emotions as my son prepares for war on this Memorial Day




Executive Mansion, Washington, Nov. 21, 1864

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom.


Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

Abraham Lincoln

A Note From the General (NOT the Little General)

Michael Yon posted this letter from General Petraeus to the troops. It should be read by us all.

From General Petraeus:

Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen serving in Multi-National Force-Iraq:

Our values and the laws governing warfare teach us to respect human dignity, maintain our integrity, and do what is right. Adherence to our values distinguishes us from our enemy. This fight depends on securing the population, which must understand that we—not our enemies—occupy the moral high ground. This strategy has shown results in recent months. Al Qaeda’s indiscriminate attacks, for example, have finally started to turn a substantial proportion ofthe Iraqi population against it.

In view of this, I was concerned by the results of a recently released survey conducted last fall in Iraq that revealed an apparent unwillingness on the part of some US personnel to report illegal actions taken by fellow members of their units. The study also indicated that a small percentage of those surveyed may have mistreated noncombatants. This survey should spur reflection on our conduct in combat.

I fully appreciate the emotions that one experiences in Iraq. I also know first hand the bonds between members of the ” brotherhood of the close fight. ” Seeing a fellow trooper killed by a barbaric enemy can spark frustration, anger, and a desire for immediate revenge. As hard as it might be, however, we must not let these emotions lead us—or our comrades in arrns—to commit hasty, illegal actions. In the event that we witness or hear of such actions, we must not let our bonds prevent us from speaking up.

Some may argue that we would be more effective if we sanctioned torture or other expedient methods to obtain information from the enemy. They would be wrong. Beyond the basic fact that such actions are illegal, history shows that they also are frequently neither useful nor necessary. Certainly, extreme physical action can make someone “talk;” however, what the individual says may be of questionable value. In fact, our experience in applying the interrogation standards laid out in the Army Field Manual (2-22.3) on Human Intelligence Collector Operations that was published last year shows that the techniques in the manual work effectively and humanely in eliciting information from detainees.

We are, indeed, warriors. We train to kill our enemies. We are engaged in combat, we must pursue the enemy relentlessly, and we must be violent at times. What sets us apart from our enemies in this fight, however, is how we behave. In everything we do, we must observe the standards and values that dictate that we treat noncombatants and detainees with dignity and respect. While we are warriors, we are also all human beings. Stress caused by lengthy deployments and combat is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign that we are human. If you feel such stress, do not hesitate to talk to your chain of command, your chaplain, or a medical expert.

We should use the survey results to renew our commitment to the values and standards that make us who we are and to spur re-examinat ion of these issues. Leaders, in part icular, need to discuss these issues with their troopers—and, as always, they need to set the right example and strive to ensure proper conduct. We should never underestimate the importance of good leadership and the difference it can make.

Thanks for what you continue to do. It is an honor to serve with each of you.

David H. Petraeus,

General, United States Army

Commanding

God Bless The Military Spouse

I find it hard these days to talk about anything other than Sprout and war. I know my sisters are already getting tired of it but bless their hearts, they let me ramble. And when I'm not talking about it, I'm thinking about it. And always, always, in the back of my mind is that awful "what if". What if they come to tell us he is dead? It's a morbid thought and I was beginning to think that I was bordering on some psychosis by dwelling on it so much. I thought I must be the only fool thinking these things so constantly. The other day, Sproutette told me a story that made me realize I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.

Sproutette works with some other military wives with husbands preparing to go to Iraq or already in Iraq. One of her young co-workers, whose husband is in Iraq now, is pregnant. Recently, Sprout was working and sent one of his army buddies to Sproutette's office to pick up something she had for him, keys or something. Anyway, she said when the soldier walked through the door in his military uniform, her pregnant friend turned toward the door and on seeing the soldier, her face turned as white as a ghost. The girl just knew he had been sent to give her some bad news.

I hate that these young wives (or husbands) have to live in fear of being contacted by the Army that their loved one has been killed, but this story shows me that I am not the only one thinking constantly about this. Army spouses has been dealing with this fear since long before I came along. But to be so young and have this fear seems overwhelming.

Come to I think of it, my own grandmother had to deal with this when my uncle fought in Korea. Of course, back then it was much worse as far as news from the front is concerned. My uncle was wounded in Korea and my grandmother received a telegram saying only that he had been wounded. No details, nothing. For weeks, she tried to get some information from the Red Cross and the Army. It was three months before she finally got a letter from my uncle saying that he would be okay. Grandma was always a hand-wringer...maybe now I understand why.